You Might be a Republican…

By Sarcasmo Jones

  • You might be a Republican if you think the EPA is an evil government entity trying to force clean air and water down your throat against your will.
  • You might be a Republican if you think “food stamps for the rich” seems like a good idea for a government program.
  • You might be a Republican if you think Jesus was a white guy.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that only white, Christian men should be able to vote.
  • You might be a Republican if you think Muslims should have to carry a “special ID.”
  • You might be a Republican if you take the cost of your children’s medical expenses out of their allowance.
  • You might be a Republican if you go to work, prevent everyone else from working, and cry that nothing is getting done.
  • You might be a Republican if you don’t believe in science, but you do believe in wood shop and lunch.
  • You might be a Republican if you like to be surprised by hurricanes and tornadoes instead of being warned ahead of time.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that the continued military occupation of sovereign foreign countries is the right thing to do.
  • You might be a Republican if your favorite shape is “Pentagon.”
  • You might be a Republican if counting money gives you an erection.
  • You might be a Republican if you still insist that your dog is a cat, despite contrary public opinion and cat’s constant barking and digging holes in the back yard.
  • You might be a Republican if you have unfriended someone on Facebook for liking Barack Obama’s Facebook page.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that public education is an unnecessary government expense.
  • You might be a Republican if the thought of old folks eating dog food makes you giggle, just a little bit.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that the concepts of minimum wage and safe working environments are BS.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that children are an untapped labor resource in America.
  • You might be a Republican if you’re better than someone else because of your religion, your money, or the color of your skin.
  • You might be a Republican if you think that only Democrats should be punished for their sexual misconduct.
  • You might be a Republican if your version of American history has Paul Revere ringing bells to warn the British, has no mention of slavery, and depicts Ronald Reagan wearing a cape with an “S” on it.
  • You might be a Republican if you view the truth as a “left wing smear campaign.”
  • You might be a Republican if you think that the environment is expendable and fossil fuels are going to last forever.
  • You might be a Republican if you write a book that you don’t want to be associated with.
  • You might be a Republican if you think denying health care to American citizens will make America stronger.
  • You might be a Republican if your idea of fiscal responsibility is multiple Tiffany accounts and a yacht trip to Greece.
  • You might be a Republican if you comfort your terminally ill wife by screwing other women and then divorcing her.
  • You might be a Republican if Social Security seems like a Ponzi scheme.
  • You might be a Republican if you’re so unpopular someone has firebombed your house.
  • You might be a Republican if are worried that the folks you have stepped on for years may actually vote on Election Day.
  • You might be a Republican if you’re against helping poor folks but for helping rich folks.
  • You might be a Republican if try to balance your budget by not paying for rent or electricity.
  • You might be a Republican if you have a problem with abortion, but not the murder of clinic doctors and nurses.
  • You might be a Republican if you need an assault rifle for hunting or home defense.
  • You might be a Republican if your car’s MPG is smaller than your shoe size.   
  • You might be a Republican if your corporate sponsorships exceed your salary.
  • You might be a Republican if you paid for the votes of 4 busloads of people in a straw poll and only 3 busloads voted for you.
  • You might be a Republican if you charge your constituents $15 a pop to watch you draw on a board and have anyone with a question arrested.
  • You might be a Republican if you think drilling in the Florida Everglades makes good sense.
  • You might be a Republican if you think old folks have already voted enough.
  • You might be a Republican if you hailed the 9/11 first responders as heroes but don’t feel any obligation to help out with their medical expenses.
  • You might be a Republican if you think  that Donald Trump was treated unfairly at The White House Correspondent’s Dinner.
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2 Comments

  1. Keep up this good work, you have a nice blog over here with much good information! When you post some new stuff, I’ll visit your blog again and I’ll follow it.

    Reply
  2. Amy Warner

     /  September 13, 2011

    After reading this, I’m relatively sure that I’m NOT a Republican.

    Reply

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