Top 10: Why the GOP Loves the Sequester

by Sarcasmo Jones

The sequester was formulated to motivate congress to come up with a budget by a certain deadline.  This economic alarm clock would feature budget cut and layoffs so unimaginable that our distinguished representatives in Washington would have no choice but to compromise in order to formulate a plan to avoid disaster.  The White House and Democrat leaders want Buffett Rule tax increases for rich folks, high income tax loophole closures, subsidiary cuts to profitable corporations, and modest spending cuts.  Republican leaders want no tax increases, no loophole closures, and savage cuts on everything but the defense budget.  Naturally the sequester is in line with what the House and Senate GOP wanted all along…if only they could kill Medicare and Social Security.

Here are the top 10 reasons why the sequester is business as usual for the GOP:

  1. All the jobs lost due to the sequester can be blamed on President Obama.  It didn’t work last time, but only because folks forgot to forget who really drove the economy into the ground.
  2. The departmental budgets are all smaller numbers now, whstash-3-502b17970383cich makes math easier.  Math is actually witchcraft, so we got us a wizard to sort it all out. His name is Paul Ryan.
  3. Education budgets means that all those special needs kids don’t have fancier stuff than all the other kids.  They were tired of those high-falootin’ blind kids and their fancy braille anyway.
  4. Old folks can go back to eating dog food because Meals on Wheels ain’t coming by the house anymore.  Poor diet and reduced access to social services should get rid of some of those Democrat-voting geezers.
  5. The GOP’s best sponsors did very well in the last recession, might as well keep that good momentum going.  Big Oil!  Whoop Whoop!
  6. Folks will be so worried about losing their job that they’ll forget they were trying to take assault rifles away.  All guns, no taxes…it’s a hell of a campaign slogan!BARNETT11b
  7. EPA gets a budget cut…we’re halfway there!  Brown water and pesticides for everyone!
  8. Close those parks already…we’re ready to drill, baby!
  9. $375 million dollars cut from FEMA.  Try and get your hurricane money now, Chris Christie!  Oh, by the way, we missed you at the convention, Obama hugger.
  10. Fucking over all those Americans who put those folks in Congress is the perfect way for them to say thank you.  See you in 2014!
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5 Comments

  1. Sorry, Sir, you are wrong. Yes, I’m from Colorado. HB 1224 was poorly written. It not only bans magazines to 15 rounds but also any magazines that can be converted to more rounds. Most of these magazines have a base plate that can be extended and so, almost all guns used (especially by women) for self defense will be illegal. HB 1229 concerns transfer of weapons. Before amendments, a background check would have to be done even if you were simply loaning it to your friend while on a hunting trip. They amended it allowing 72 hours to transfer the weapon before a background check. So, if you left on a week long business trip and left your weapon at home with your spouse, you still have to get a background check after 72 hours at a gun shop.
    Also under HB 1224: You know that shotgun “Ole Joe” Biden spoke of? Illegal here.
    You are correct. I am not a criminal….yet. Weapons bought before July 1 (if the Gov. does not veto the bill) will be grandfathered in and will disappear by generation since I won’t be able to pass mine down to my children.

    Reply
  2. Yeah. I take it very seriously. These are VERY serious times. They are in the process in my State to make me a criminal because I own my guns. Any hunter will also immediately be a criminal. The REAL criminals will be laughing all the way to their next murder. Yes, i take posts like this very seriously.

    Reply
    • There is no such law being proposed in any state. I would suggest that you read the proposed legislation more closely…I’m just going to go ahead and assume that you live either in Colorado or Washington. Thanks for sharing (your paranoia).

      Reply
  3. You take these posts way more seriously than we do, Cheryl. This is satire, not commentary, but thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  4. Sounds great except not one word of this is true. “The sequester was formulated” by Obama and, yes, voted on by Republicans.
    “Republican leaders want no tax increases, no loophole closures, and savage cuts on everything but the defense budget.” Obama got tax increases during the fiscal cliff “crisis” (We wouldn’t have all the crises if the Senate would pass a budget SOMEDAY). The Sequester was to be ONLY for spending cuts. Obama moved the goalpost. “Revenue” will be brought up in the CR. Republicans WANT loophole closures. They were the ones that proposed it. Obama wants the revenue for more spending, Republicans want it to reduce the deficit. There are no SAVAGE cuts in the Sequester. It’s 2.4% across the board. Republicans wanted to give Obama the ability to transfer the cuts within departments. He didn’t want that because he wants no responsibility. HE is the one choosing where to cut now – he has a lot of discretion. He need not close control towers, let criminal illegals go, stop White House tours, cut TSA folks or any high profile cuts. He COULD cut redundancy, conferences, consultants, and a number of easy-to-take cuts. He could transfer cuts in the defense budget if he would take that responsibility. He won’t because he wants to blame the pain on Republicans. The defense budget has already taken an almost $700b cut. Their overall cut will be 13%.
    “if only they could kill Medicare and Social Security.” Republicans want to REFORM these programs that are the biggest budget problems and unsustainable. They MUST be reformed or, eventually, there will be neither one available. for our children and grandchildren. I want my children and grandchild to have some help when they are older. NOBODY wants to KILL Medicare and Social Security!!!
    Your top 10: 1) Jobs lost, for the most part, WILL be Obama’s fault. He has the ability to keep them to a minimum and there need to be some cuts in Government jobs. 2) SOMEBODY needs to figure the numbers out because they are all a slippery jello on both sides. 3) Yeah. Republicans HATE kids and old people. We pour more and more and more into education with poorer and poorer outcomes. Throwing money at something does not solve the problem. We need competition to the State Run Schools! 4) If you Democrats would DONATE to Meals on Wheels like I do, the government could cut some costs. How much do YOU donate out of your pocket to them? 5) Pul-lease! Stop with evil oil! Windmills and solar won’t cut it at this point. BP donated almost $1b to Obama’s campaign. Who’s in bed with Big Oil? Obama and dems are with them to their eyebrows. 6) You take my semi-automatic and .357 magnum away from me and I will give my life to that right to bear arms. Semi-automatic weapons are NOT assault weapons. Automatic weapons are and they have been illegal for a long time. AR-15’s just “look” scary. They are no different than my semi-automatic pistol. Educate yourself, man! 7) Here we go again. Republicans want dirty water and air. The EPA is out of control. Their budget has more than doubled over the past 4 years. They could use a haircut with no problems. 8) NOBODY is suggesting closing Public Parks for drilling. 9) FEMA is the most impotent agency there is. They are mismanaged and need to have cuts and total management overhaul. 10) I don’t even understand this point. I just wonder why Democrats can’t seem to have any discourse without the F-word or some similar language. Dems don’t seem to be able to function without curse words.

    Reply

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