Boldly Going….Where We’ve Already Been

By Sarcasmo  Jones

It’s a bad time to be a uterus owner in America.  As the proud owner of a manly pair of testicles, I am not worried about recent Republican efforts to infringe upon my reproductive health or rights.  I will never need a mammogram, a pap smear, an abortion, or be afflicted by an unwanted pregnancy.  I will never get ovarian cancer, need a mastectomy, get a hysterectomy, or need birth control pills.  However, the fairer sex is now squarely in the sights of Republican legislators who believe that recreational sex does not exist for women.  The fairer sex has been reduced to incubators.

The Republican idea of civil rights for women is the equivalent of a sexual time machine. Are Republicans under the mistaken impression that women do not enjoy sex in 2012?  Do they believe reproductive health is only for rich folks?  Imagine all the pregnant hookers there will be in Washington DC if these jackasses actually get their way.

There has been a great deal of vehement opposition to civil rights progress lately. Gay marriage has come under fire. Gay soldiers have been booed.  Protesters have been pepper sprayed and beaten for practicing their constitutionally protected right to assemble. Presidential hopefuls want to shut down the EPA and the Department of Education. Spicy, sick and stupid…is that the Republican dream for America?

Add knocked up to that list.  Abortions have just been outlawed in Oklahoma.  A state returns to those wonderful days of yesteryear when we lovingly punched the pregnant nuisance in the uterus with all of our might because God loves the ignorant regressive in all of us.  Oklahoma has always been progressively stagnant but ignoring a Supreme Court decision has definitely crossed the line.  Gambling is legal but abortions aren’t?  And what is up with watering down the beer in Oklahoma?  Okies…get out while you still can!

Another blow to women has been the cuts to Planned Parenthood funding and the public cowardice of the Susan G. Komen Foundation.  We are attempting to obstruct insurance coverage of women’s reproductive health care while simultaneously eradicating access to cost-effective alternatives.  This is not progress and the thunderous applause I hear in support of these measures reminds me of seals clapping their flippers for a dead fish.

America is a mix of religions, cultures, and ideas.  It is a country defined by its progress and liberties.  It is a place with many different churches, families, and political attitudes. We are men, women, gay, straight, Hindu, Catholic, Midwesterners, Islanders, Mountain folks, Texans, and even goofy Okies…we are Americans and a bone-stock one size fits all brand of religious driven mediocrity will not do.

Give me liberty or move, motherfucker.  This is America.

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