Top 10: Why the GOP Loves the Sequester

by Sarcasmo Jones

The sequester was formulated to motivate congress to come up with a budget by a certain deadline.  This economic alarm clock would feature budget cut and layoffs so unimaginable that our distinguished representatives in Washington would have no choice but to compromise in order to formulate a plan to avoid disaster.  The White House and Democrat leaders want Buffett Rule tax increases for rich folks, high income tax loophole closures, subsidiary cuts to profitable corporations, and modest spending cuts.  Republican leaders want no tax increases, no loophole closures, and savage cuts on everything but the defense budget.  Naturally the sequester is in line with what the House and Senate GOP wanted all along…if only they could kill Medicare and Social Security.

Here are the top 10 reasons why the sequester is business as usual for the GOP:

  1. All the jobs lost due to the sequester can be blamed on President Obama.  It didn’t work last time, but only because folks forgot to forget who really drove the economy into the ground.
  2. The departmental budgets are all smaller numbers now, whstash-3-502b17970383cich makes math easier.  Math is actually witchcraft, so we got us a wizard to sort it all out. His name is Paul Ryan.
  3. Education budgets means that all those special needs kids don’t have fancier stuff than all the other kids.  They were tired of those high-falootin’ blind kids and their fancy braille anyway.
  4. Old folks can go back to eating dog food because Meals on Wheels ain’t coming by the house anymore.  Poor diet and reduced access to social services should get rid of some of those Democrat-voting geezers.
  5. The GOP’s best sponsors did very well in the last recession, might as well keep that good momentum going.  Big Oil!  Whoop Whoop!
  6. Folks will be so worried about losing their job that they’ll forget they were trying to take assault rifles away.  All guns, no taxes…it’s a hell of a campaign slogan!BARNETT11b
  7. EPA gets a budget cut…we’re halfway there!  Brown water and pesticides for everyone!
  8. Close those parks already…we’re ready to drill, baby!
  9. $375 million dollars cut from FEMA.  Try and get your hurricane money now, Chris Christie!  Oh, by the way, we missed you at the convention, Obama hugger.
  10. Fucking over all those Americans who put those folks in Congress is the perfect way for them to say thank you.  See you in 2014!
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