Why The Presidential Race Is So Close

On the eve of election 2012, President Obama and Governor Romney are within a hair’s breadth of each other in the polls. Some polls favor Romney, while other show the President with a lead. Some folks say that this is the closest Presidential race in 76 years. The American Left poses the question “why the fuck is this race so close?” Why isn’t Obama blowing this lying mental midget out of the water? Why is even a single person voting for Romney?

Shelly Wymer, founder of theamericanleft.com, is a Progressive Democrat and has provided 10 reasons why she thinks folks are voting for Romney:

1) Some Republicans, especially Southern Whites, will always vote for the Republican. Mitt Romney could have raped nuns, robbed banks, and slapped Herman Cain with a Godfather’s Pizza box and these folks would still vote for him.

2) While Democrats seem to be “open thinkers” many Republicans appreciate a candidate who stays on script. This makes them predictably corruptible.

3) Many Republicans are afraid of change and prefer the status quo.

4) A lot of Republicans, especially these Tea Party nuts, refuse to believe that they have equals and are in a peer group above the rest of us. They believe that they are smarter, more patriotic, and more religious than the rest of Americans.  

5) Conservatives are irrationally afraid of the unknown. This would explain the branding of our man from Chicago as a Muslim and an African, because that make him appear sinister and dangerous. If it can’t be immediately understood and identified with, then it something to be feared and distrusted. The fact is, President Obama was born in Hawaii, lived in Chicago, and went to Harvard…so suck it! He’s definitely one of us.

6) Believing differently than Conservatives, according to Conservatives,  is wrong, crazy, or evil. Trying to drag a Conservative thinker out of their rut is like training a cat to wash dishes: it’s an exercise in futility. Many of these folks truly believe that they are right in every situation. There is no reason for an expert on all subjects to listen to another opinion, contemplate factual evidence contrary to their position, or apologize under any circumstance.

7) Some women, especially Southern Conservatives, were raised to believe that women were to be taken care of and to support their master in all decisions. Shelly went to vote early, with her Obama 2012 button pinned to her lovely chest, and the lady in line in front of her quietly said “I like your pin” then make a shush gesture with her finger while nodding in the direction of her husband. She likes Obama, but will not go against the will of her husband, and certainly never in public. I wonder if she found her courage in the voting booth?

8) Republican men seem to live in the 50’s; a time when the skirts were long, the women stayed home, a the man was king and his word was law. Very  few Republican females succeed in politics. Only the very corrupt or crazy survive.

9) Conservatives believe Romney is going to force America into a Christian values government style,despite the fact that the USA is a religious, as well  as a cultural, melting pot. Islam will become a second-class religion, despite being the most popular religion on the planet.

10) He has great hair…very Presidential hair.

Sarcasmo Jones is a recovering Republican who has gone off the deep end as a Liberal Democrat, and has provided 10 reasons why he believes that so many folks are voting Republican this year:

1) They feel that it is their Patriotic duty to pay a higher tax rate than their wealthy fellow Republicans. They fully believe that the trickle down effect will bring them prosperity. In reality that trickle is urine, not liquid cash.

2) Health care is for rich folks and old people. If only the fucking liberals could understand the patriotism of watching a loved one suffer and die unnecessarily of a preventable and treatable condition. Sacrifice is the backbone of patriotism and vouchers are the shiznit!

3) Republican voters are so used to crooked politicians, like Mr. Romney, that an honest visionary is just downright suspicious.

4) The mysterious cult member will eventually show them what is behind door number three if he is elected…and then he’ll start passing out the Kool-Aid.

5) Mitt seems like a compassionate soul: he gave that gay guy a free haircut, let his dog ride out in the open air, took credit for the auto bailout, let the Mormon Church help him dodge that crazy tax rate, and tried to levy fees on blind and mentally challenged folks in Massachusetts so he wouldn’t have to raise taxes.

6) Romney has those distinguished grey streaks on the side of his head…like a skunk. People like skunks.

7) Mitt always tell his constituents exactly what they want to hear without confusing folks with numbers and specifics. Numbers are hard, and they’re only going to get harder without funding for education. But hey, every generation should be better educated than their children.

8) He’s going to let us keep our assault rifles…because the sound of gunfire is very distracting. Mitt Romney wants you to be distracted, he may even allow folks to but anti-aircraft guns and tanks if it will keep us occupied.

9) He will never apologize for America. If he abuses his power in such a way that fucks over every single country in the world then tough shit, amigo! It sucks to be a foreigner in Mitt Romney’s America.

10) He’s white and the President is not. Oh yeah, these Tea Party bitches want to put the white back in the White House in a bad way. Obama’s passing out too many food stamps, letting too many kids go to college, and he wipes his ass with the American Flag. And they say racism is dead…   

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